Helping Out

I think sometimes I'm an easy mark.  I love helping people.  I really do.  I feel was given a ton of talent and skill and this is my way of "paying back" for these blessings.   I don't mind when people ask me for support or help, and yet I don't like being taken advantage of (I think no one does).   I often ask myself, "where is the line here?"  I find it challenging to say no when asked.  Feelings of I'm not a good person are the first to arrive. Followed by I'm selfish. Topped off by tons of guilt, because I feel I'm the only person who can help them.   Recently, I've discovered that all these feeling have nothing to do with helping the person who asked me.  It's all about me and my ego, what I'm feeling and elevating me.  Sometimes I have to say no.  If I'm giving and helping out of this general sense of obligation and elevated ego, that isn't very giving or real.  It helps for the moment, but not the long run.  There is no substainal grow on anyone's part.  It's a quick fix- that's all.
When I'm asked to help out, I really consider, if I can.  It's not a snap deicision.  It is very careful consideration.  Very careful consideration.   Can I help this person, without expectation of return?  Am I really okay with that?
Do all the negative feelings well up when I want to say no?  Yes they do.  Then I have to check in with myself and ask why would I want to help?   Will my help really do them good in the long run?  Is helping this person going to drain me and my energy, thus creating anger and frustration in me.  So, the help I provide is full of anger, frustration and "here's my help. Now go away!" energy.   Not a clean or giving place to come from.
So, bottom line, it really is okay to say no.  And really that's all I ever feel I need to say is just a simple no.  The words that follow the simple no, muddy the waters and allows the negative feelings to come into play.
Simply no.  It's okay.

All this said- I still love to help folks.   This week's project is a helping project...
One of my fellow swap-botters put out a wish for special baby bibs for her daycare.  It was a sewing project that I had time to do, I had the supplies, and I got to research and create a new pattern.  I saw it as a win/win.  I said yes.   I completed and sent the project off with joy and accomplishment.  A few days later, I got a lovely lovely thank you. It truely was a win/win.  In my mind the best sort of helping.

How do you respond to offers of help?  Do you help to the point where you have nothing left to give and start to feel resentful?  Or do you carefully consider offers of help and are okay saying no?

Until next week...create to feel great!

31 projects complete 21 to go!