Saturday, August 7, 2010

Remembrance- Yes, Another Cat Story- But It's A Cosmic One

A year ago this week, I had to do one of the most difficult things I think I have ever done in my life.  I had to make the decision to help my dear kitty friend of 15 years, Jack D. Mackerel cross over the rainbow bridge.  Jack was an amazingly intelligent sassy, almost to the point of a smart ass, cat.  I raised him and bottle fed him as a baby of 4 weeks.  He was a big red boy of a cat, who loved to play games, tell people off, his sister Mickeygirl and Barrack Obama. He would go wild every time Mr. Obama was on T.V.  The evening of the election, he let out a huge loud yell as the winner was announced. (I told you he was smart).
Jack had been ill and in decline for years, prior to August 5, 2009.  I kept telling him, let me know when you need to go.  On the evening, before his last day, he did just that.  I refused to listen.  That night , I had a dream of my very first cat, Lewis, a "silver" really black and white tabby boy, who has past away 15 years prior to Jack.  It was a beautiful and colorful dream of Kitty Heaven.  It was Lewis, who made me listen.  It was Lewis who brought Jack to me in the first place, and now he was telling me it was time to listen up, and help Jack.
The summer Lewis was in his decline, and passing over, we talked about the next kitty I should get.  Lewis (another very smart cat) didn't want me to be alone.  I told him I wanted a big orange boy cat named Jack.
The day Lewis passed, I took him to the vet.  I was so upset, all I felt I could do is to turn him over and walked out of the office.  It was a mistake, a lack of courage, that I carried with me for years.  I later found out that Lewis' ashes were scattered in a tree farm in Canby, Oregon.  I went to work after Lewis was left at the vet, a co-worker told me her mama cat was going to have kittens.  I said. "Well, it has to be a big orange boy."
A couple of weeks later, my co-worker came to work and said her mama cat had had kittens, but that they thought she had had them out in one of tree farms across the street from their house. (my co-worker lived in Canby, Oregon).
A week later, she said the mama cat drug over one of the kittens to their garage, and that I could come over and see if I wanted the kitten.  My co-worker wasn't a fan of cats, the mama cat belonged to her kids.  I drove out to meet this kitten.  To my surprise, it was a large red orange kitten!  It was Jack.  He had the same markings as Lewis, only red/orange.  He was sassy and bright.  His mama, for whatever reason was unable to care for him, so it was up to me.  I was his mama. I provided care for him through it all.  The morning of August 5th, I woke up and knew I had to help him cross.  He was weak and skinny.  In a tearful emotional fit, I called around to see if I could have a vet come to the house.  I was determined to help him pass calmly and with me by his side.  I finally found a vet, who came to the house.  Jack had been sleeping behind a big chair all morning.  When the vet arrived, he walked out to greet her.  He then crawled in my lap, looked up at me, let out a little meow, and allowed the vet to  take care of him.  She said that he was close to being gone before she gave him the shots.  Mickeygirl watched from across the room in her sleep hammock.  Once Jack passed, we wrapped him in his Obama T-shirt and the vet took him over to Mickeygirl.  Mickeygirl put her paw on his head and said. "Burt." and then looked away.  After the vet left, I cried for what seemed like forever with Mickeygirl crawling up into my lap.  I was overcome with grief, and yet, it was one of the most beautiful things I had ever witnessed in my life.
A couple of days later, I had another dream of Kitty Heaven.  This time, Lewis and Jack were playing and running like five year olds.  A big gold and white cat joined them, it was Gus, a cat I knew, who live at the shelter, where I was a volunteer.  He was trying to keep up with Lewis and Jack.  They told him to go back and take care of Mama.  The dream ended.  I didn't know if I wanted another cat right away, but the day I went to the shelter, Gus jumped in my arms from a high cat tree and hugged me. I started to cry. Gus licked my face. I put in an application for him that day, and he's been with us for almost a year.  A healing force for all of us in the house.  He takes care of his mama.
Last week, while combing through the Goodwill, I found this cross stitch kit.  It was my two dearly beloved boy cats.  I added their birth dates and a remembrance of them was completed.  I feel it's a fitting tribute to them, as they were so cosmically connected. 
For me cross stitch is tedious and a little boring, but this time I viewed as healing and very zen.  As the picture took shape, I remembered my boys and what joy they both brought to my life.  Gus and Mickeygirl would come to me and sit with me. I celebrated the fact that I'm blessed with these great and loving cats in my life.  Upon completing the picture, I showed Mickeygirl.  She once again, put her paw on the picture and said. "Burt."  I kid you not here
It stories like these that are one of the reasons I love my cats so much.  All these "cosmic" connections and things that bring me wonder and awe, help me stay close to what I call The Source.  This closeness is what provides my ability to create the things I create in my life everyday.  It's there in good times to celebrate and in advise times to remind me that it will pass and will be replaced in my life with something to wonder at and celebrate.
As I remember my boys this week, all the joy they brought to my life, I'm also celebrating the girl and boy I have in my life and all the joy they continue to bring me everyday.   It's my version of Kitty Heaven on earth.

Until next week...create to feel great!
43 projects complete 9 to go!

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