Saturday, May 8, 2010

A Simple "In-vest(ment)" Of Time

My husband, Broadside Johnnie, never reads this blog.  He's very supportive of the Campaign and enjoys hearing about what I'm working on or blogging about, but he never reads this blog. I think, for him, I always have something I'm creating, or some big idea or something, and it just all blurs to him.  It doesn't bother me very much.  I understand.  This is really not his sort of thing.  I feel a huge part of being married to someone for over 21 years  and a huge part of love is what I've heard called "joyful acceptance".  It's sort loving them warts and all.  (If abuse is involved, best "joyfully accept" that person from another state and certainly not closely in your life.)
Anyway, this week I'm glad that Broadside doesn't read my blog, as this week's project is for him.  His birthday is this coming Tuesday and I thought it would be nice for me to make him a vest for his birthday.  He loves wearing wool vests, that I have also made from him to celebrate other occasions, but I thought it might be nice to move him over into a corduroy.  Lighter weight for warmer days.
As I was making this project I was reflecting back on a couple of conversations I've had in the last week with two different people in my life.  Both conversations revolved around giving to others.  Both my friends are true "givers".  My one friend gives to others to the point of exhaustion, and the people my friend gives to keep asking and almost demanding more and more.  My other friend also gives and gives to others in hopes of building a community of friends.  Most time this giving is not returned and is not building the community my friends so desires.  I've been and guilty of both situations, and more than likely will be again in my life.
Both friends asked. "How do I stop giving so much?  I don't want people to think less of me or be mad at me."  Truly a pickle to be in.  I guess the bigger question for me here is...Why do I give so much?  What is it that I'm wanting from the people I give to?  I've discovered, when I give I feel like my talents and I belong somewhere in the bigger scheme of things.  I like that feeling of belonging so much it can become addictive.  So, to feed that addictive to the feeling of belonging to something...I keep giving. Now what could be wrong with that and why am I calling it an addiction?  Well, because for me, at times, it has been.   Please don't get me wrong here, there is nothing wrong with giving your talent and or yourself. Nothing wrong with that. I think there is nothing better than making a contribution to another's person life.  It's when it crosses a line.  When I don't feel like my giving is leading to peace of mind and fulfillment for me.  That I'm giving to feed that feeling of belonging, and  I'm seeking approval of others. More importantly, I'm looking to others for my self worth.  When I feel like what I can give isn't good enough or what they want, so I'll keep giving more and more until I'm tapped out and drained of my life force and/or my creativity.  Until I got nothin' more to give.  That's when giving becomes a killer.  A person like me who loves abundance and gives abundantly, stopping that cycle before I'm drained is difficult, and I've discovered the best tactic for me when it comes to giving to look at what I want to give and why I want to give it.  I also look at how much I want to give. I check in to see if  what I'm giving is going to drain me or if it's doable and fulfilling. Sometimes I go over board, but if I'm having fun with the giving that is fulfilling, I still stop and check in with myself.  I never give with expectations of return.  I know that the big old universe will take care of all that for me and does very nicely.  Sounds easy, right?  Well, no it's not.  It takes a lot of awareness, self esteem and self confidence. Oh, and did I mention practice?  Lots and lots of awareness and lots and lots of practice.
My project this week...simple, but how did my husband get all those other vests in his wardrobe? Well, one crazy Christmas I was feeling very insecure and I made him a seven vests, one for each day of the week.  Nice gift.  Broadside loved them and wears a vest a day, but it was a crazy thing, as he would have loved one vest at a time.   Why I mention this is that when it came to wanting to introduce corduroy vests, I stopped at one vest this time.  It feels good, it feels like it's enough to give, and it's coming from my heart, from me and for no other reason than to say to Broadside. "Happy Birthday.  I love you and I appreciate you."
Where in your life to you feel you give too much?  Why to you do it?  How do you feel when you give too much?  I'd love to hear your take on this idea of giving.

Until next week...create to feel great!
30 projects complete.  22 to go!

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