Lessons In The Heartbreak

My little cat and best friend, MickeyGrrrl is preparing to die.  Everyday it gets a little harder for her to be in her body that is wearing out.  This morning she was sitting in the bed and looked at me and let out a big sigh as if to say, "Damn.  I'm still in this old worn out body."
I'm not taking this process very well.  I feel a little crazy in it, and I'm definitely feeling a depth of emotion like I've never felt.   I have amazing support for her and myself.  Amazing. Bottom line, my heart is breaking and I'm allowing myself to feel that break.
I recently heard that pain is weakness leaving the body.  I also believe that when we allow and feel our heart breaking,  breathing into the broken places in our heart, allowing light and love to fill the space, we create not only a place for our loss loved one to be forever with us, but a place for more love to enter into our lives.  Because we are open and allowing.  We do in fact become stronger and more willing to love, accept love and all the other wonderful things this life really does have to offer.
So, yes, I'm crazy and emotional right now, and I'm not going to just get over it. I'll be honest here, I don't like it one bit.  My work here is to be present for her and allow the path to unfold before us.  I am going to calm myself and breath because I know that there is beauty in this process, and I am already stronger and a better person for having known this little amazing, beautiful, wise cat. She has touched so many people and taught so many lessons on love to me and others.  I also know "the side" is waiting for the return of the great queen.  MickeyGrrrl will need me to give her space to do what she needs to make a graceful exit, when her time comes.  In order to do that I have to accept and let her go, whenever she is ready.
I also learned that the root word in courage comes from the French word for heart.  To live a full and wonderful life, that is full of love and wonderful people and experiences we need courage that comes from the heart.

Until next week...create to feel great!
6 projects complete! 46 to go!

Project of the week...Baby sweater!!!

The Magic Word

What's the magic word?  A question I use to hear a lot from parents.  My parents, other kids parents, any parent.  I haven't heard that question in a while.   Except this last week.  My husband Broadside Johnnie had in fill of me asking him to do things.  He finally said to me. "I don't mind doing stuff for you.  Just you never say please any more."  The magic word is please.  I like to think that I say thank you all the time.  I love to show gratitude, but until it was brought to my attention that I've dropped the please out my life, I'd forgotten how that one word makes life go smoother.
Another example is with by kitty MickeyGrrrl.  She has come to a point in her life passage that she doesn't see a need for taking her meds.  Too bad for her, because until her vet says back off...we are doing meds.  I still don't want this to be anymore stressful on either one of us.
This morning, I put her meds in her food.  I placed the food in front of her. She walked away.  I tried again only this time with all compassion and sincerity I said "Please.  Please eat your breakfast and don't pick the pills out."  She looked up at me.  Sighed and ate her food.   I've been using the word please all day with her.  We are less stress and there is a calm that is hard to come by when doing hospice care for a loved one.  I'm also saying please a lot more with Broadside and others in my life.
There is magic in the word, if only to transform me in the moment from impatient this needs to be taken care of person to a calmer it will be taken care of it is taken care of person.

Are there words in your life that spark magic?  What are they for you, please share.

Until next week create to feel great!

5 projects complete! 47 to go

This week's project is a knitted head band.  I decorated it with a heart as I will be wearing it next week when I do my first 10K walking event...The HeartBreaker Half.

Off I go!

The Company We Keep

"Won't it be dull when we rid ourselves of all the demons haunting us, to keep us company..."
~War On Drugs  by Stephen Paige of The Bare Naked Ladies 

I love the above quote.  The song is a little sad, and yet in that comes forth a gem of a thought.
I've been thinking a lot about some of the changes I've been making in my life since I started this Campaign.  My entire process, approach to my world and life have shifted considerably.  I'm not perfect.  I'm not even practically perfect in everyway, and I say this because I have a way to go.
There are parts of me that I've been looking at and weighing the value of keeping them.  I believe we only keep what we value.  We have to see a value in something, no matter how small in order for us to want it around.  This goes for clutter, ideas, attitudes, ways of being, people, habits and especially our demons.  Those demons are tricky buggers.  They dress up nicely and rationally.  They look safe and pretty.  They are, sadly, the only one who really knows and cares for us. There there, dear one.  They bring us comfort with their drama.  Because sometimes, that is the only thing that makes us feel alive.  Really be honest here.  We know we shouldn't let them play in our life, but ridding ourselves of them is frankly hard tough work.  It's like trying to get rid of black berry thickets.  It seems like there is always more and it is exhausting to deal with them.  And really what will I do with me when they are gone?  Good question. What do you do?  There will be a void.  A big old void, and I've said this before...misery loves company.  People flock to misery, to drama, to negative thoughts.  It is so mindless this flocking.  They resist a celebration of good and consider it a duty (I a good person would be happy for them.  A good person wants the best for others.  A good person has positive thoughts.)
So what will you do when the demons are chased out of your life, and maybe no one, except you, really cares?  Try this.  Fill the void with peace.  Time to create a stronger life for you.  Time to create.  Time.  As you won't be filling your time with feeding or battling demons. Plan your celebration of your life.  Surround yourself with positive, loving people, thoughts and animals.
And like black berry thickets, your battle with the demons will  eventually go away. When they decide to show up, like black berries they are easier to puck out and toss in the compost bin.  They get smaller and smaller and take up less room in your now more beautiful garden/life.

Are there demons you are holding on do that you are afraid that if you let them go you wouldn't know what to do?

Until next week...create to feel great

4 projects complete!  48 to go!

This week  I made red baby shoes for a good friend's first Grand baby?  I mean what girl doesn't need a pair of red shoes.  As my Granny would say, "One never has a bad time when wearing red shoes."  That's for real.

The Toleration Game

Are there things, people, situations in your life that annoy the heck out of you and you just put up with them because (you can fill in your own reason/excuse)?  I've heard these call tolerations.  We have them in our lives and they just sit there.  We step over them, go around them, pass them as we enter and exit a room.  We sigh, we push them to another place in the house, in our lives.  They are energy drains and road blocks to a positive, free flowing state of mind.  When it comes to people we have in our lives we tolerate, we tread carefully, so as not to hurt their feelings and we avoid the thought of conflict.  So, the slope here is trickier to navigate, and yet they are drains and need to be handled for our own peace of mind.  With things and situations, we are really the most in control to deal with them.  I've found that dealing with tolerations are really like the old motto, of how to eat an elephant.  One bite at a time. 
As the new year dawned, this year, I looked at the stuff in my life that was driving me nuts.   The clutter, the disorganization, the less than happy working items that really needed a call to tech support.  I made me list and I'm checking them off. 
I started with what seemed like a simple step.  My sock drawers.  I love socks.  And my walking training has added another category of socks to the mix.  My socks were so out of control that I every time I went to put on a pair, it seemed easier just to pull a dirty pair out of the hamper (no didn't do that, but really wanted to).  So, I organized my sock drawers.  Yes drawers. I have three, small, but three.  I discovered that I have more stripe and Christmas socks than any one person needs, but I like that about myself.  Argyle and cats are too far behind.  And I've knitting myself a fair number of pairs as well. 
Why relate this inventory?  Well, the task of organizing these socks was made quick, easy and fun by looking for connections to who I am.  I celebrated and had a great laugh at all the color and craziness I wear on my feet.  Before I knew it the tolerations was off my list.  I'm ready to tackle the next one, and I have the feeling of freedom and energy.  Just might have to dive into the post Christmas studio clean up.
This isn't the first time I've written about tolerations and what we tolerate in our lives. For me they are usually something as simple as the sock drawer, but they drain my energies and keep me from my real joys in life.  Just talking about or listing them can be a drain.  Let's take a lesson from the great Mary Poppins Cleaning up anything is always more fun if we make it a game.  The idea does work, because it always goes back to our mind set.  If we think something is horrible and a drudge.  You bet it will be for sure.  If we can find any sort of fun in the task... the humor, the lightness, the load will be easier.
So, what is annoying you?  What are you tolerating?  Make your list and go find fun!

Until next week ...create to feel great!
3 projects complete! 49 to go!  Plus three nicely organized sock drawers.

Project of the week was making pillows from a stack of old worn out ones.  Now I can hang out is fluffy bright clean color after a day of addressing the tolerations list at home and work.

Nice thing they are recycled all the way.  The fabric came for S.C.R.AP. (if you live in the Portland area and haven't paid a visit...do so.).  The pillow stuff...the old pillows.  The entire project cost me
.25 cents and a  hour of my time.  Not too bad.

Winter Warm Up- The Heart Edition

If you have read this blog for any time, I've mentioned from time to time the two women who had a huge influence on me while I was growing up.  I had Granny, who wasn't really my Grandma, she was a great aunt on my Dad's side.  She lived in Ohio in a very small village that was divided by railroad tracks.  She taught me to love baseball, Black Label Beer, knitting, the joys of fishing from a pond at dawn on a summer's morning, and a whole host of other things.

On the West Coat, I had Grandma.  She was my mom's mom.  A chief, before women were allowed to call themselves that.  She taught me to a bit about gardening, how to smoke a cigarette with some flare, what dog to pick at the track and how to cook.  Or better stated, how to watch someone cook in order to copy their food and then make it your own.  She was one funny woman.

I really loved those two women.  Both were good story tellers, strong at a time when women were to shut up and keep their heads down, loved to laugh, talk and I think they really liked life for the most part.  I learned a lot from them.  They have been gone since the 1970's and I there are days when doing something, I think of them, I channel them.  I have days when I often think "What would Granny or Grandma do?"
I know both of their lives were filled with trials and challenges.  Yet, they bucked it up and got on with it.  It being living life. Granny used to say, "What the hell else do you expect me to do?  Sit and wallow in my own crap?  That doesn't sound like too much fun.  There's a baseball game today."

The two women did meet once.  It wasn't pretty.  I remember it being uncomfortable.  I was reminded of that meeting last week watching Maggie Smith and Shirley McClain (yikes spelling) spar on an episode of Downton Abbey. It was sort like that only in a small track home dining room and over pot roast and potatoes and glasses of beer.

Yet both of them loved me They didn't care much for my brothers or my stuck up sister. They took to me.  The one who was "out of control with her mouth and big ideas." And never combs her hair.  They both said that it was just that I was full of "piss and vinegar."  Granny called me a "world stirrer."  Grandma called me "old tough nut."

I thought a lot about these two as I created Christmas this year.  So, I'm saluting them now with this post and with the project of the week.
Both of these women made awesome hot cocoa.  And now so do I.  Only it is instant and unlike my Grandma and Granny, I'm sharing with you how to make it.  So, you can enjoy a cup or two and warm yourself on a winter's day and think about the people who make or made a difference to you in your life.

So, now for the Hot Cocoa Mix...it makes a ton.  So, feel free to half it.
In a large bowl and using a mesh sifter

1 1/2 cups Dutch processed unsweetened cocoa powder
2 1/4 cups sugar
3 1/4 cups dry nonfat milk or dry soy milk- really Vegans win here as the Better Then Soy Brand dry soy milk  makes this really creamy and extra wonderful.
pinch of salt
1 teaspoon of cinnamon
1 teaspoon of clove (optional- trust me you want the clove)

Stir these together and store in an air tight jar.

To use the mix

1/3 cup  cocoa mix in a large mug or more to your taste.
1 1/2 boiling hot water or milk  - note here this needs to boiling boiling hot.
vanilla to taste.

Stir very well.  Might have to stir as you drink.  Don't forget marshmallows!

Yum.
So who in your past has warmed your heart?  Who warms you heart now?
Until next week...create to feel great!
2 projects complete 50 to go!

It Was Never My Intention To Leave

Happy 2013 everyone!   After a long break and what just had to be the best Christmas season of my life, I'm back on the Campaign Trail.  I have been kicking around some new ideas for this blog and my journey.  As it is with me, I get so caught up in my moments that I often don't think ahead to far to the next.  I have a ton of stuff I want to do, accomplish, see and create, how that all happens...I never really know.  At best I look at the list and allow it all to unfold before me.  When I force it, whatever I'm working on or attempting to accomplish, comes out looking, well, forced.
Now back to the blog.  I have ideas for a bit more structure.  Project of the week is still going to be a cornerstone.  My insights and ramblings, we aren't going too far from those (you've been warned).  I want to bring some folks in on the fun, and I want to expand on what I create.  Cats and Grandmother stories will appear from time to time.  I haven't done much talking about my love of cooking and crafting easy healthy foods, so aprons while be a nice thing to have from time to time, as there might be a recipe or two shared, certainly cooked.  Adventures in creating will keep me on my toes as I work to find and learn new things to craft/make/create.  Home matters and Craft Like I Care will get me seek out the organizations that could use some creative projects to better the lives of others.
I'm having a feeling that this will be a fun time.  I hope you'll pop in for the ride.

After saying all that, I have to ask...have you set your intentions for what you want for the coming year.  Notice I didn't say resolutions, as I've never found them to work past January 2nd.  I also didn't say goals.
I've discovered that goals can quickly turn into blocks in the road and clubs to beat myself with for not achieving them at years end.

So, intentions.  What is it that I want more than anything in my life.  Not for just this year, but in life for the long term?  Intentions set me in to a course of action.  Forward movement.  In acting, we are taught about characters setting their intention and then during the course of the play, they do whatever it is to get what they want.  Intentions help me look at how far I've come, they engage my creativity and they are very "in the moment".   When 2014 rolls in, I can stop and look at how far I've come towards my intentions, and look at all I have in my life instead of what I did or didn't do in my life.
As my Granny would say "I'm a fixin' to do...(fill in the blank and then go do it!) Another wonderful thing about setting intentions, is that they can be set at any time and in you moment.
What are your intentions?

Until next week...create to feel great!

1 project complete.  51 to go.  And away we go!!!

This week's project falls into the Adventures in Crafting.  I learned how to make wrapped ball and chain bracelets.  Really super easy and super fun.  Another fine five dollar Friday at Collage.

Why I Love Santa- Speical Holiday Post

Special note- I will be returning in January 2013 on a weekly basis.
For now I have some thoughts on the man of the season....Santa Claus.

When I was a second grader, the weekly Show and Tell was a big deal for me.  It was one of the few times I loved going to school.  It was a time for me to get up and talk. (I've always loved to talk and tell stories.)  I remember the Show and Tell after the Christmas Holiday break, I brought the beautiful cat stuff toy I had received from Santa that year.  I remember proudly stating that I had gotten the toy from Santa.  I remember hearing giggles from my class mates.  I was sort of an snarky, outspoken child, so I stopped my story in order to confront the hecklers.   One of my classmates loudly proclaimed there was no Santa, and that presents come from your parents not Santa.   I disagreed with him.  The teacher suggested I take my seat.   I still to this day disagree with that kid and anyone else who says there is no Santa.  

I believe in Santa.  I know he exists.   For me Santa is all about love, generosity, magic, thinking of others, and my big one- creativity to make the world better.  For me, not to believe in Santa's existence means, what he represents doesn't exist.  Looking at the news in our world, this season, it may seem like we are in need of Santa and what he represents more than ever.  So, let's all be still in the moment and embrace Santa, and who knows...you might even see or hear him.

Wishing you all the magic and love of this season now and always.

See you all back here in 2013 for the happiest, most creativity and positive year in all of our lives!

Until then...create to feel great!

P.S.  I've been creating like a whirl wind...I hope you have been as well.